Being a Kid in School When You've Lost a Parent

AJ's Book Corner(ABC's)

Title: Chakras. A Beginners Guide to Healing

Author(s): Heidi E. Spear

Link: I'm Reading...

What I’m listening to...

Name of Album/Podcast: Here’s The Thing

Artist: KevOnStage & ThatChickAngel

Favorite Song/Episode: Looking Back Episode

What I’m Watching

Name of Show: YouTube: Mercedes Famous the Script Doc

Link: How To Write A Script - Best Screenwriting Books For Beginners:

How does it feel in school when you’re a kid who lost a parent? When I lost my mom I understood that she wasn’t coming back, I was almost 7, so I was able to understand what death was but not understand the OVERALL effect it would have on my life.

1. I wish I would have been better communicated with and put into real therapy sooner. When I say real therapy, I’m referencing the sad excuse of the in-school counseling I received from the mediocre counselors, that I’m sure meant well but it didn’t truly help me, it gave me no tools to deal the effects of losing my mother and I just played with toys the whole time I was there. And also, I don’t recall being asked if I even wanted to go to in school counseling .All that being said, dealing with not having the best communication if any at all left me to form my own worst-case scenarios in my head. Cue the ANXIETY issues that would build & develop into my adult life.

2. I wish that I would have not to deal with my entire 1st grade class knowing my mom died. Yes, the cards were nice from my classmates, but I had to deal with the whispers and bullying from the other kids. For example…this I am not proud of. I had just returned back to school and one of my bullies was swinging on a swing and she said something to the effect of “That’s why your mother died.” I remember stopping that swing mid swing and the next thing I know there was sand all in her hair and the teachers were all around her, she was crying. I believe I got suspended for a day but nothing too drastic. SORRY NOT SORRY!

3. I also didn’t like being sent out to another teachers class during mother’s day activities because I didn’t have one. I would like to encourage teachers to be aware that not all of your students have parents in the societal acceptable sense. When I was a kid teachers constantly would reference “tell your parents,” “give this to your parents” blah, blah and it would remind me “I don’t have parents, I have a dad and my sister, oh yeah my mom is dead.” It just caused a mental separation, further making me feel different. And I developed this internal fight to want to be liked and accepted. I became a people pleaser, pleading so that I would sacrifice myself for the small credit of being liked. I felt somewhat as if people like me they wouldn’t leave me, abandon me.

4. All the accomplishments you make feel bittersweet when the people or person you want to share it with are dead. Graduations, prom, 5th school dance, learning how do my makeup and draw on my eyebrows on straight LOL! All the things you do can almost seem for naught. For the people who feel that way like me at times, IT’S NOT! If you’re a believer in God and your loved one’s watching over you, they see it from wherever they are. If you’re not into all the God stuff but something else try to find joy in your accomplishments for yourself. I’m retraining my mind to find joy in my accomplishments because I can dismiss most of my accomplishments, because the people I want to show it to, my parents are dead so what’s the point? The point is you accomplish a goal and the task alone was hard and add to that the mental stuff you’re having to deal with IT’S A HUGE accomplishment even if it’s as small as waking up and showering. Writing and meditating on what I’m grateful for also helps

5. BONUS, Last thing, I hated ppl/kids feeling sorry for me. I hated how adults and kids would feel sorry for me. I felt ashamed for so long which caused me to want to be known for being funny & nice aka being a ppl pleaser, which I discussed earlier. I created a MONSTER by becoming someone I wasn’t, forcing myself into places, pleading with the wrong people so they wouldn’t view me with that look of sympathy. Now a day’s, when I tell ppl both my parents are dead, I let them express their shock and sympathy then tell them, yeah but that’s a part of my life, not WHO I AM.

These were just a few things that I dealt w/ and felt as a kid as I was growing up after my mom died & it’s different for every kid, but hopefully this helps some kids or adults experiencing it themselves.

I’m grateful for being able to own my grief instead of my grief owning me like it has for so long.

I walked a mile with Pleasure;

She chatted all the way;

But left me none the wiser

For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow,

And ne’er a word said she;

But, oh! The things I learned from her,

When Sorrow walked with me.

-Robert Browning Hamilton