I Had to Change

AJ's Book Corner(ABC's)

Title: Stop Self-Sabotage. Six steps to unlock your true motivation, harness your willpower, and get out of your own way.

Author(s): Dr. Judy Ho, PHD

Link: I'm Reading...

What I’m listening to...

Name of Album: Wonder

Artist: Shawn Mendes

Favorite Song: Piece of You

Link: I'm Listening to...

When my parents died it provided me the opportunity to become more independent. While being independent caused me to think that I had to do everything on my own, placing my weight on my own shoulders than necessary. Sometimes I would feel like a failure and remain distrusting of people, refusing to ask for help.

However, being independent helped me in my employment career.

The majority of my employment career is customer service based. And from that I have gathered an understanding of how good and bad some people can be. And also how many people are walking around with undiagnosed mental illness. That people can go off on another human being for the smallest of things such as their French fries not being cooked enough that they will throw them back in your face and cuss you out for it.

In my last position of employment I was a general manager in retail, and I did it for almost 5 years.

I WILL NEVER be a general manager of retail ever again. I spent the majority of my years in that position miserable because I allowed my job to become an extension of me, and if the job was miserable, I was miserable. But I must take accountability because I refused to ask for help, my mind was closed off from others and opportunities. I was in a miserable state mentally and physically.

When I decided to go to therapy. I was grossly distrusting of all people, defensive and still feeling that I had to be independent and do everything on my own, refusing to ask for help. With therapy, I was presented with the space to be heard, and feedback from and outside party who could pry my rusted, closed mind, open to new opportunities and tools to heal. Therapy gave me the tools to begin to plan to leave my job and continue my education. With the communication tools I have gained from being in therapy I was able to be open to asking for help from my support system. I was able to leave my job in six months and begin school. I completed my first semester of my Junior year in undergrad. Now I am going into my second semester and working toward one of my numerous goals.

Grateful

I'm grateful for the tools I’m receiving through therapy that are helping me grow.

Never give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.

-Unknown